Done- with it

Just yesterday, it didn’t seem real.
I couldn’t believe that after writing CHINESE O LEVELS and sticking those stupid EXAM! and IMPORTANT! stickers on the day 31st October, I would really be taking the exam today.
“Are we really taking our Chinese O Level exam tomorrow?” I’d asked Eunice yesterday.

“Yes.”

Today I came to school on a not-so-bright, drizzly morning and we gathered in the hall.
Gave up looking through those helping sentences and books and revising material whatsoever.
Sat there.
Looked around.
Went to the toilet.
Sat back down.
Looked around again.
We said a prayer and I wanted to cry. But be brave, I had to tell myself. No freaking out, what for anyway?

We went to class.
Heart thumping,
I sat down to do Paper 1.
I did Questions 1 and 3.

Finished them.

10am-1030am.
Goodness, she was like a doll in our hands, a spineless, floppy doll.
A sick, pale (to the extent of grey) doll.
And she threw up.
I hope she’s alright, I really do.

I was shaking, so bad
I was so, so scared
“Tessa are you shaking?” Ethel went
“Are you shaking?” said Chua
Oh yes, I was.

Calmed down during Paper 2.
It was considerably better than Paper 1.
Strangely, I thought that the paper was ending at 12:20pm and not 12:05pm
“15 more minutes,” went the teacher
SHIT, I said in my head.
Three questions left
Quick, scribble something! Scribble something so even if you don’t finish it properly, you get some marks!
oh, SHIT, you wrote the answer for Question 30 on the blank for Question 29! Oh, hell, QUICK COPY IT OVER HURRY UP!
Come, take your ruler out and cancel those 2 and a half lines you wrote already! Rewrite the answer!
THINK THINK THINK
Write write.
Oh, 5 minutes left.
Sheesh, just write something, don’t get distracted anymore.

“Pens down.”

Paper completed.

The end.

And now, it seems surreal that I even took the paper. Ironic, isn’t it? Yesterday I couldn’t believe I was going to take it, today I can’t believe it’s over.

Okay, good night.

I am scared

Oh no. The exam is in less than 2 days, and I’m just starting to feel the fear of it. Maybe it’s too late, feeling the stress just 2 days before. People say it’s gonna be easy, definitely easier than what we normally do because it’s Chinese, and after all this is a national exam, won’t be at SN standard. But I’m scared, and I don’t know how it will be like. My Chinese isn’t that great, and I know it. Everyone says I’ll be fine. I really hope so. I cannot screw this up. I cannot screw this up. No. I don’t like feeling scared. No I won’t screw this up.

Chua my happy fruit, smile please

Muted panic

Have been spending every waking moment in school with Chua, Eunice and Jamie, from lessons to recess to lessons to recess to lessons (basically that’s what we’ve been doing, how wonderfully exciting and interesting, won’t you agree). We’ve become close friends you might say. I’ve only known them for less than a year (with the exception of Eunice- met her in Sec 1, but we were only hi-bye friends. Last year though, we just ignored each other) and to think I once listened to all those despicable rumours about Jamie and never really seen Chua around. It’s amazing how fate has managed to bring us together this year.

It seems as though the year has just started, when it really has almost come to its end. After the Chinese O’s, after the Chapter 13 Trig test and after the Investiture, officially the school year would have ended. The day is 16 November. The only reason I look forward to it is because I won’t have to wake up at 5:30am to get to school. Yet if I don’t come to school, it is so difficult to meet up with my friends to hang out, chill. Have fun.

Time has passed as we immersed ourselves into our daily routine of school, homework, lessons, fatigue. Sometimes time seems to crawl, yet before we know it, a week has ended, a month has gone, a year has passed. This year has been full of joy, tears, anger, fun. I wouldn’t have been able to get through all these without my friends. And I really mean it, yes I do.

Chinese O’s…three and a half days.

Studying at Subway

I had 8 and a half hours of SLEEP the night before. EIGHT AND A HALF 😀 Got woken up by Mum coming in to wake Sis for school and couldn’t sleep for awhile after that due to that foolishly timed body clock that says WAKE UP IN FIVE AND A HALF HOURS FOR SCHOOL, and got woken again when Mum tried waking us (me and my brother) but then Dad says, let them sleep somemore! So I drifted back to sleep until 8:45 when I really had to wake up.

Intended to leave home at 9:15, and I had my breakfast, changed, and was packing my bag when I glanced at my phone and OHNO! It was 9:18! So I hurried and then Mum sent me to the MRT…at 9:30. Thank goodness that Mum was on half-day leave (:

Reached Orchard MRT at about 10:10. Waited for Cheng, before realising that Jamie and Chua were sitting on the ledge waiting for us. Cheng and I actually went up the escalator before going back down to find them there. We walked to Cineleisure…only to realised it would’ve been closer if we’d taken the train to Somerset -.-

So we plonked ourselves down in Subway. Then we did work. Or not. We ended up doing a lot of talking.

Chua and I went to pick Eunice up from Somerset MRT at around 1:30. Then we went back and I had my oven roasted chicken breast sandwich! 😀 Bliss. Chua actually wanted to share a foot-long with me, but I thought she was going to share with Eunice so I ordered a 6-inch! SORRY CHUA ):

Then we sat down, walked around, talked, did (a little bit) of homework. Basically it wasn’t a very productive day (far from it, in fact) but we had fun. & SUBWAY 😀

Now I need to go do Chinese homework. My poor head, it’s gonna explode from all these work. My poor head.

Nobody’s fault

Shanna and I were talking about this today. About how people like us are being judged based on what school we get into. If you are not in a reputable school, you are automatically deemed stupid.
While on the other hand, if you do get into a reputable school, wow, you’re smart. And you’ll definitely succeed in life because you’ll definitely go to some top JC and University and get pieces of paper certifying your smartness.

While we shouldn’t categorise people like that, and I tell myself not to do that, I can’t help but do so. Subconsciously, it happens.

But what we forget to see is the person himself.
We forget about the morals of the person, the character, the attitude. Because frankly, it doesn’t mean that when one gets into a not-so-good school, he’s totally hopeless.
But we don’t always see things that way, do we?
We don’t consider if the person is perhaps, good in other aspects apart from academics. Drama, art, sport? Cooking, perhaps?
No, what only matters is that we must STUDY HARD, GET GOOD RESULTS, GET INTO UNI, GET A DEGREE, GET ANOTHER, GET ANOTHER.

It is wrong to have this kind of mindset. Yet because we have been unknowingly brainwashed, the situation is so. No one can blame the society for such a shallow point of view, can they?
And in this competition to succeed academically, how do we remember to cling onto the correct attitudes and mindsets? How do we remember that backstabbing others to get ahead is wrong? How do we remember to love, be happy, to relax?

People do turn selfish in this race. Become hollow shells of what they used to be.

But there is no one to blame.

I should be thankful, right?

Three Chinese practice papers and pages of good Chinese sentences to use during bao zhang du hou gan essays to memorise and corrections for Math exam papers and how many more gazillion things to do? I won’t even get to rest on Monday because I scored a wonderful C5 of 57 marks and those who scored C5 and below have to go for remedial.
And after the Chinese ‘O’s on 31 October, there is a A Math Trigo test. Then we’ll have the Investiture to plan and Band camp to manage.
Oh no, this is so tiring.
One thing done and another comes up. A few things to do at one time.

You know, I’ve been thinking. About how ungrateful I am to have the chance to go to school, when people in some other parts of the world don’t even have a chance to hold a pencil in their hands and learn the alphabet.
I should be thankful, right?
Here I am having attended six years of primary school and having had almost three years of secondary education, never having to worry about school fees or school uniforms. Or about things like having pocket money for recess or having food to eat. I mean, not everyone is as lucky as I am, who gets to live in a nice home and have food to eat and can go to school and can get an education etc. etc. etc.
…Right?

But then again.
I can’t help thinking of all the mutiple homework and tests and the obvious lack of sleep. The exams. The stress…or is it just me? I feel like my mind is stretched a few thousand ways for a few thousand things. Sometimes when I feel like dropping dead just sitting in front of my homework, I find that I can’t sleep when I throw everything into my bag and lie on my bed. Then I’ll be thinking that I’m wasting time lying on my bed trying to sleep when I could use the time to do work. Weird? I don’t know.
Sometimes I take a break and stone, before thinking that I’m wasting time again.

Chinese O Levels are coming in 11 days.
Ohno, help.

Before I go, one quote from Jamie FLN, my music-obsessed friend who wants a blanket of iPods stitched together.
“Yes, excelling is admirable but what is truly paramount is trying.”
from her lovely What Makes A Happy Life essay. And the quote is HER OWN, she didn’t get it from anywhere but her own head.

If only there wasn’t a difference between this grade or that. I would enjoying studying much more this way.

Thus ends the longest post I’ve typed for very, very long.

Papers papers papers

We got back English, HCL, Chem and Math today.

English was…hmm, weird.
HCL was unexpected. My composition topped the class! :O That’s why it’s unexpected. But the beautiful mark was mangled when I failed Paper 2. Marginally. OH WELL.
Chem was disappointing. I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER. and I SHOULD HAVE done better. That’s what pisses me off. Approximately 5 marks down the drain.
Math…failed, as expected. 24 people. I feel more sad for Mrs Seah than myself. I WILL WORK HARD DURING THE HOLIDAYS. Do exercise to exercise to exercise. Build the foundations STRONG.

Let’s hope the papers tomorrow will be better.

“As you will see that I have confidence in me!” Maria, from the Sound of Music (one of my favourite classic movies :D)

How fun.

We’re getting back papers tomorrow. I wonder which ones. But it doesn’t matter because they’re all bad.

There’s going to be band tomorrow. Please, YOU, fall into the drain on the way and remain stuck there. (:

Mutter.

Thursday was good fun. Movie Marathon At Chua’s was succesful and we had a hell of a good time 😀

Friday was alright..Games Carnival was mildly fun. I enjoyed my late Subway lunch.

Today is Saturday. I am having bad muscle aches (which is proof of how much I’ve exercised in the past few weeks) from soccer. And my parents are being bad-tempered and are annoying me to no end.

Therefore I hope Sunday will be better.

:D

GONE, EXAMS, GONE 😀

& there is NO SCHOOL TOMORROW and Cheng, Jamie, Eunice and I are going to CHUA’S HOUSE for a MOVIE MARATHON, HURRAH. (Eunice was the main reason for the movie marathon- she has not watched Mary Poppins nor the Sound of Music, that deprived person)

I am gonna have fun tomorrow, yes I am, the rain won’t stop me.

😀

Oh yes, I finished Gravity already. Scared the hell out of me at certain parts, but a very engaging and riveting read. I shall read more Tess Gerritsen, even if it scares me. Scary books take you away for at least awhile 🙂

😀

I’m sleepy so I shall now go to sleep, good night.